Losing your spouse is one of the hardest things you could go through, so figuring out which steps you should and shouldn’t take during the aftermath can be a real struggle. If you need a little extra support with the process, we’re here to help. This list covers 18 things you should never do after losing a spouse.
Make Major Life Decisions Immediately
The very first thing you should do after losing a spouse is let yourself grieve and feel whatever you need to feel. Making big life decisions right away can be tempting during this time, but you may end up regretting things you decided upon during your emotional turmoil.
Ignore Legal and Financial Matters
Once your emotions have begun to settle, it’s important to take some time to address any pressing legal and financial matters that require your attention. This can feel like a daunting prospect when you’re still grieving, so it’s a good idea to get support from friends and family members where possible.
Isolate Yourself
As noted by Verywell Mind, it’s common for people to turn inward and isolate themselves when a loved one dies, which can make the experience even more difficult. While it’s normal to need some alone time to grieve, you should also seek out support from those around you whenever you need it.
Neglect Physical Health
When you’re going through a world of grief and pain, it can feel a lot more difficult to take care of your basic needs. So it’s important to remember to get enough sleep, exercise, and nutritious food to keep yourself healthy. If you need additional support, it’s okay to reach out to friends, family, or your healthcare provider.
Compare Your Grief to Others
We all grieve differently, so you should never shame yourself just because your grief looks different from somebody else’s. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve, and it’s normal if some days feel easier than others. All you need to do is let yourself feel whatever emotions come up to the surface and be kind and patient with yourself.
Overcommit to Activities
Some people feel the need to throw themselves into new work projects, hobbies, or other activities in order to distract themselves from their feelings of grief. However, this can backfire when it leads to burnout and exhaustion. You may also be avoiding emotions that would be healthier for you to feel.
Make Rash Financial Decisions
When you’re in the midst of intense and volatile emotions, you might feel the urge to impulsively make big financial decisions, such as selling things or closing accounts. However, it’s much better to wait until you feel more clarity or consult with a financial advisor who can support you in making the best possible decisions.
Ignore Legal Advice
Similarly, it’s a good idea to consult with an attorney or other professional to make sure any legal matters are taken care of. For example, matters such as probate and managing estates are best handled with the help of a professional. Do your best to resist any impulsive urges to make big legal decisions immediately.
Neglect Mental Health Care
Studies show that losing a spouse is associated with a greater risk of several mental health issues, such as depression and anxiety. This is why it’s so important to take care of yourself during this time and seek any support you need to help you through.
Rush into New Relationships
The loss of a spouse can leave a huge empty space in your life. But while you may feel the urge to fill that space as soon as possible with a new romantic partner, it’s usually healthier to give yourself some time and space to grieve first. Instead, rely on your friends, family, or professionals to help you through your feelings until you’re ready to meet someone new.
Neglect Routine
As noted by Verywell Mind, during times of stress and crisis, it can be very beneficial to have a routine to provide you with a greater sense of stability and normalcy. However, you should also remember that it’s okay if you need some adjustments that help give you more time and space for grieving.
Not Communicate with Family
While it’s easy to fall into avoidance and silence when you’re in the middle of the grieving process, this can make healing more difficult. Sharing your feelings and memories with your family can help them support you and share their own experiences in turn, giving you a greater sense of connection and solidarity.
Underestimate Grief’s Complexity
Grief contains a wide range of emotions and can look very different to different people. Therefore, you shouldn’t beat yourself up for not immediately feeling certain emotions or doing things you think you should be doing. If you’re finding your emotions difficult to deal with, it may be a good idea to speak with a mental health professional.
Neglect Self-care
When you’re snowed in with feelings of grief and responsibilities to take care of, it’s not always easy to find time or energy for self-care. However, it’s very important to look after yourself in ways that maintain your physical and emotional well-being. When you feel up to it, take the time to do things that bring you a sense of joy, relaxation, or relief.
Ignore Signs of Complicated Grief
According to the Mayo Clinic, complicated grief refers to a grieving process that lasts longer or affects your daily life more than expected. If your grief seems to be staying at a very intense level and is interfering with your life and relationships, it’s recommended to get support from a therapist or counselor who can give you the care you need.
Disconnect from Spiritual Practices
If you’re religious or spiritual, then your faith can be a significant source of comfort and support during times of grief. If you’re part of a spiritual community, you can lean on them for help and emotional support. Spiritual practices such as meditation, prayer, and services may also help alleviate some of your pain.
Ignore the Importance of Sleep
It’s common for people who are struggling with grief to find it difficult to fall and stay asleep. However, failing to get enough sleep can make the process feel even more difficult and exhausting. For this reason, it’s a good idea to stick to a regular sleep schedule and use tools that help you relax and drift off.
Let Grief Control Your Life
It’s normal to feel like your whole world has come to an end when your spouse dies, but this isn’t really true. Once you feel ready, it’s important to set small, achievable goals that help you feel a greater sense of purpose, meaning, and well-being. Remind yourself that you won’t feel this way forever, and you will find joy and normality again.
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