21 Ways to Tell If You’re Being Undervalued in Your Relationship

Written By Jill Taylor

Feeling valued in a relationship is something most people would expect from a partner. Yet signs of appreciation can mean something different to everyone. If you’re not sure whether your efforts are being recognized, these are the 21 ways to know if you’re being undervalued in your relationship.

There’s No Acknowledgement of Your Achievements

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Whether it’s a promotion, a new job, or finally finishing that neverending pile of laundry, your partner does not acknowledge your achievements. This could be a sign that they don’t value you. Whether it’s something big or small, your partner should celebrate your successes.

Finances Aren’t Shared Equally

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If you and your partner share expenses, you need to make an arrangement that suits you both. If, however, your partner isn’t making any effort to contribute fairly, it’s a sign they don’t value you. Bloomberg notes that around 40% of couples fight about money on a monthly basis.

Communication Is Limited

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When you value someone, you want to talk with them and share things, so if communication is limited, it could be that they don’t appreciate you enough. If they don’t share any important details about their day or express any concerns with you, this could be something you need to discuss with your partner.

Your Partner Never Reciprocates

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If you are always the one making the effort, making plans, or thinking up new activities, this lack of reciprocation on your partner’s side could be a sign they don’t value you. Relationships should be give and take, which means you shouldn’t be the only one making plans or even sacrifices.

They Make Decisions Without Consulting You

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Most decisions in relationships should be made together. So, if your partner never consults you about major decisions, it’s a sign they disregard your opinion. This can lead to feeling excluded from any decisions within the relationship or helpless if they make decisions alone about things that also affect you.

They Never Validate Your Feelings

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Your partner may constantly dismiss or even belittle your feelings. Verywell Mind notes that signs your partner is belittling you include demeaning you in conversations, trying to control everything, and assuming you don’t know things. They might even accuse you of being overly sensitive.

They’re Emotionally Unavailable

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If you value your partner in a relationship, you will make an effort to open up and ensure their emotional needs are being met. An emotionally unavailable partner may come across as distant or offer little to no emotional support, which can be lonely and challenging.

There Is a Lack of Intimacy

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There are many reasons why there might be a lack of intimacy in a relationship. But if your partner has suddenly pulled away from any sort of intimacy, it can be a sign they don’t value communicating their needs with you – or even care about your needs at all.

Your Receive Criticism Instead of Compliments

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Does your partner criticize you more than they compliment you? Do they point out your flaws far too often, while kind words are few and far between? Your partner may not value you if they constantly bring up your mistakes and make you feel bad more than good.

You Feel Sidelined with Your Own Goals

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It’s important to have your own personal goals within a relationship, but if your life goals are always sidelined in favor of your partner’s, it can be a sign that they don’t value your own aspirations. You might never feel like your personal growth is a priority.

They Disregard Your Boundaries

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Does your partner mock your requests or do the opposite of what you ask? This could be a sign they’re disregarding your boundaries, reveals Psych Central. Boundaries are extremely important in a relationship, especially with privacy, and a partner who values you will respect them.

Household Responsibilities Are Never Shared

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A partner doesn’t value you or your time if they ignore household chores and responsibilities. This behavior can reflect their belief that their own time is more valuable than yours so you find that home maintenance is entirely down to you.

Gestures of Affection Are Rare

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You can tell your worth in your partner’s eyes based on how much affection they show you. If they only ever show affection when they want something from you, or only in front of other people, it can be a sign that it’s insincere. If you don’t get much affection from your partner, this could show that they don’t prioritize you.

They Aren’t Supportive During Tough Times

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Your partner should be the first person you can rely on during a difficult time. If your partner is absent during challenges, either physically or emotionally, it can be a sign they don’t value you. If you never seem to get any support when you need it most, then this is a problem.

Your Future Goals Aren’t Aligned

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Some couples may find that they want different things from the future, but a bigger problem can be if your partner refuses to talk about what they want down the line. Dismissing any efforts to speak of upcoming goals can be a sign they don’t value the relationship’s future.

It’s Like Your Relationship Is a Secret

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If your partner avoids acknowledging to others that you’re in a relationship or has delayed introducing you to family and friends, it can show a lack of respect. It can suggest that they don’t value your relationship enough to want others to know that it’s official.

Your Self-Esteem and Happiness Have Plummeted

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Even if you don’t realize that you’re being undervalued, your self-esteem could have taken a severe hit due to how your partner has treated you. Nobody who is properly loved and respected in a relationship will feel unhappy with it, so if you are, it’s worth questioning why.

They’re Not Interested in Your Hobbies

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You don’t have to share the same hobbies as your partner, but you do have to feel as though you can happily share your passions with them. If your partner is disinterested when you try to discuss your hobbies or passions, they don’t value what makes you happy.

Your Partner Makes No Effort to Resolve Conflicts

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According to Psychology Today, positive or negative outcomes from conflict can say a lot about your relationship. If you fight but you take the right steps to fix things, this is a positive outlook for the future. If your partner shows little interest in trying to fix problems, they don’t value the relationship.

You Feel Inadequate

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Your partner shouldn’t ever make you feel inadequate if they value you. If you always feel like a low priority or that your partner has things going on that are more important, this could be because they don’t respect you enough to make you feel appreciated.

You Express Your Needs, But They’re Ignored

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Lastly, if you’ve spoken to your partner about your needs not being met and they’ve shown little interest in how you feel, not only is this a sign that you’re undervalued, but also that they don’t care to do anything about it. It might be time to put yourself first.

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